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Legal and practical advice Lucille P. Uttermohlen P. O. Box 278 Monticello, IN 47960 (574) 583-6661 |
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The process of divorce isn't that hard. It consists of initiation, the "provisional" or "intirim" period, and the final hearing and divorce decree. Here, the procedure is explained. For more information get your free sample chapter of -- One of the biggest areas of dispute in divorce is how to divide assets (property) and liabilities (debts). Here, we consider the different kinds of property, and the things you should think about when negotiating settlement. Practicing law isn't all fun and games. In fact, it can be a first class pain in the neck. If it wasn't for the humor in it, I'd quit and become a belly dancer. I'll tell you why, and keep you supplied with stories and information about family law. I'll also do you all a big favor and stick to practicing law. |
Your Children And Your DivorceHow do your kids feel about your divorce? Do they see it as a good thing for the family? Do they blame themselves for what went wrong? The answers to these questions depend on the kids and the situation.A child who has been exposed to a lot of arguments and violence will be relieved to see the abusive parent leave. She may love the abuser, and worry about him after he's gone, but not being awakened in the middle of the night to screaming, and not being hit for no reason is a good thing. Kids don't like pain and stress anymore than the next guy. A child whose parents are "unhappy" or "bored" with each other may not be as content or relieved to see the family dissolve. Adult "unhappiness" is a concept most kids can't grasp. Sure, they do know what it means to be discontent. Teachers and other kids make them feel that way all the time. However, a long term disappointment felt by an adult for adult reasons is simply beyond the child's experience. The question is whether kids feel guilty, or like they did something wrong when Mom and Dad split up. Some kids might, because of the way their parents handle the break up. However, absent a parent's intervention, why would a child feel like they did something wrong when the parents split up anymore than he feels bad when the car breaks down or the TV goes on the blink? A self respecting, normal child will avoid accepting responsibility for things he does do wrong, let alone blame himself for some abstract adult event. Children don't feel guilty about their parents split, as much as they feel helpless. They aren't consulted, or even warned that a divorce is coming many times. They wish there was something they could say or do to change things, and they are frustrated when their attempts to "help" are unsuccessful. Strangers in the form of judges and lawyers are suddenly deciding things for the family that Mom and Dad used to control. The kids don't necessarily meet these people. Instead, they have to accept how some abstract, faceless adults arbitrarily force them to live their lives. Decisions are handed down to them by people whose existence they haven't even varified with their own eyes a lot of the time. Rarely do children have the opportunity to express their feelings about their family's situation. When they are asked, certain answers are expected, and rather than take the chance of being wrong, they believe it is less risky to say the things they sense the adult questioning them wants to hear. After all, in school they have learned to believe there are wrong or right answers, and the last thing a kid wants to do is attract disapproval, especially since punishment often follows. Adults don't trust kids to pick their own food and clothes, let alone decide where they would be better off living. Thus, they have no input in a scarey situation, not because they don't have feelings, but because they have no safe place to express them. It wouldn't be good to leave custody decisions up to children. Their choices would too often be coerced by circumstances. The parent who gives the most gifts may seem like the better choice at the time. after all, a child's world view is more immediate than long term. A child is likely to base his decision on what an adult is saying now, rather than relying on past history to identify his best interests. There are also many other ways to wrongly influence a child. Kids assume adults know a lot more than they do. The adult who is recognized as an authority, such as a parent or teacher would certainly have credibility in a child's world. It is too easy for a parent to manipulate the child's feelings for her statements to be a reliable indicater of her needs. Parents often take advantage of the child's trust by focusing on what that parent believes is the other parent's shortcomings. The result is that the child joins in blaming the other parent just so he'll feel protected and approved of by someone. The truth or the exaggeration of the reporting parent's observations are not something a child can readily understand. Again, it is a kid's inexperience with the world and its ways that hamper his ability to see through a grown-up person's motives for lying, stretching the truth, or even seeing a given situation in an unfair or unbalanced way. Children need to have a forum to air their views in a divorce. What they say may not be deep, or even useful, but it may help them adjust to the inevitable changes they are about to experience. They need to know that someone hears their concerns, and will listen to what they have to say. They need to feel safe asking the kind of questions that may make parents feel stupid, or uncomfortable. They need honest, age appropriate answers, too. No child should have control over the family's fortunes. Kids just don't have the experience to decide whether Mom and Dad have good reasons to end their marriage, or to understand the many decisions about their welfare that must be made in a divorce. However, even though they can't row the boat, they should have life jackets, and should be taught how to swim so that they are not drowned in their family's misfortunes. On This PageChild Custody: The Judge's Dilemma When divorcing parents fight over custody, the whole family suffers. One parent ends up feeling like the judge found something wrong with her, and the other parent may feel like he won. In most cases, however, it is a close call, and the judge would be equally willing to place the child with either parent.Can You Decide Where Your Kids Should Live After Your Divorce? If you and your ex can't reach an agreement about child custody, your first inclination may be to leave it up to the judge. Even if the judge is the wisest person in the world, she is still likely to make a decision that neither of you like. Before you give up on dealing with each other, consider: Why Not Agree To Joint Custody? Can you and your ex do joint custody? It isn't always easy. Both of you may want to get away from your relationship that produced the kids. However, your kids will do much better if they are free to love both of you, so consider the following suggestions. Child Custody Designations There are several kinds of custody available in most states. They have nothing to do with child support, but speak only to the authority the divorced parents will have in making decisions regarding their children. Statutory Child Custody Considerations When the judge has to decide the issue of child custody, she turns to the state's statute for guidance. Each state has a list of factors the court is supposed to consider when deciding which parent will have primary responsibility for the children. These factors may be worded differently, but there are common elements that are explored here: Additional custody Factors Besides the statutory elements, there are additional facts a judge would weigh if he is called upon to decide child custody. Some of them are discussed below: Why Visitation Is So Important Good or bad, your parents have a lot of influence on your life. Your fears and pleasures, actions and reactions are reflections of the people who brought you up. It is rarely good for a child to be deprived of contact with one of his parents, even if Mom and Dad don't like each other. What Happens To Your Child If You Die? Our local judge makes an interesting point in custody cases. He also makes the windows rattle and the attorneys run for cover, but after the glass is cleaned up and we stop shaking in our boots, he makes this valid point. "If you die, where do you think your child will live?" Child Support Whether custody is joint or sole, both parents are still obliged to provide child support. The state has a legal duty to protect its citizens. Children are its weakest residents, and so are entitled to the most protection. This is why the state has so much power to enforce child support awards. When Can Child Support Be Modified? Contempt of court is serious. A judge can fine you, make you pay attorney's fees for the other side, or even send you to jail for not obeying an order. Even if you believe you have good reason for not paying the amount of child support you were ordered to pay, you are legally obliged to make the ordered payment until the judge says otherwise. College And The Divorced or Never Married Parent I always knew I was going to college. I can remember when I was four years old and said I would quit school at sixteen. I thought my mom would like the idea. After all, wouldn't life be more fun with us six kids home all day to keep her company? Emancipation Free At Last! The scene is a wedding. The bride and groom have just taken their vows. The bride hands something to her father, and he responds with a wide grin. >"What did our daughter just give you," the girl's mother asked. "My credit card," the father replied with satisfaction. |
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Your Pocket Divorce GuideIf you and your spouse don't have children, property or debts, or you are in agreement about the issues you do have, you may choose to get divorced without a lawyer's assistance.Even if you do end up hiring counsel, you should understand the procedure of divorce so that you can participate fully in the management of your case. Your Pocket Divorce Guide will show you what you need to know to understand the divorce process. Go here to learn more and to claim your Free Sample Chapter
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